In the early stages of a relationship, sparks fly, hearts race and everything feels electric. That undeniable pull, often described as chemistry, can make it feel like you’ve found “the one.” But as the excitement fades, questions often arise: Is this enough? Are we truly compatible? While chemistry might get things started, it doesn’t always guarantee lasting love. That’s where compatibility steps in. (Also read: Dating coach shares how to attract a truly generous partner: ‘Love should feel reciprocal’ )
Dating coach and licensed therapist Kelsey Wonderlin shared in her April 11 Instagram post the real difference between chemistry and compatibility and which one plays a more important role in building a healthy, long-term relationship.
Are we chasing the wrong thing first in relationships?
“You need both chemistry and compatibility to build a great relationship… but most people are looking for them in the wrong order,” the therapist wrote in the caption. “We’re taught to chase that instant spark. If it’s not there on date one, we send the ‘I didn’t feel a connection’ text and move on.”
She adds, “But here’s what no one tells you: chemistry can grow, compatibility, not so much. When you over-prioritise chemistry, you risk forming a strong attachment to someone who isn’t actually aligned with you. The emotional rollercoaster might feel exciting, but it rarely leads to something sustainable.”
What’s the difference between chemistry and compatibility
Kelsey explains the difference between chemistry and compatibility in her post:
You feel an instant spark and can’t stop thinking about him.
You feel at ease because your connection is mutual, respectful, and emotionally steady.
He’s charming, flirty, and knows all the right things to say.
He’s honest, says what he means, and aligns with your values and goals.
You bond quickly over trauma or deep vulnerability.
You build emotional intimacy slowly because you’re both emotionally available.
“Chemistry can grow, but compatibility rarely can,” concludes Kelsey.
Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice.
